Infertility, Pregnancy, and Mental Health
Though fertility struggles are both common and highly treatable, they presents an overwhelming set of challenges and emotions for the individual. While trying to conceive—perhaps with the use of IVF or hormone therapy—a couple may experience frustration, anger, doubt, and worry… and also hope, excitement, gratitude, and wonder.
Whew. That’s a lot to take on. It’s not uncommon during the process to wonder if you should undergo any treatment at all. “Maybe my body is trying to tell me something,” is a common thought. Late at night, that thought expands and becomes a deep and searing well of fear and sadness.
This fear and sadness often become chronic guilt and self-blame. Intrusive thoughts invade:Maybe I should have done this before grad school.
Did I choose a career over parenthood?
Is this because I was on the pill for so long?
Am I disappointing my mother-in-law?
Though this internalization and struggle are more common in women, the emotional turmoil plagues men as well. All of the aforementioned thoughts and emotions ring true for both partners and then—in the midst of this high anxiety—they need to “perform.”
Ovulation charts and hormone shots, herbal supplements, and funny little rituals (such as tipping your legs up over your head immediately after intercourse because—hey—gravity is your friend!) all take their toll. Naturally, this sort of jumping through hoops takes you out of the mood.
Sex becomes clinical, purposeful—like a job. This, along with the mounting feelings of disappointment, weighs heavily on the romantic relationship.
And Then… Pregnancy
Triumph, elation, intense excitement! It was worth it after all!
Sadly, once those initial feelings of jubilation subside, the expectant parents realize that there is a certain heaviness to a long-awaited pregnancy.
There’s a lot at stake, making it hard to enjoy the ride. Every round ligament twinge, every dizzy spell, every sneeze seems catastrophic. And spotting or cramping? Too much for the mother in this precarious situation to take. She constantly fears the end. After many months of facing the possibility of a life without motherhood, she feels ultimately threatened by anything that might take that away. If she has suffered both infertility and previous miscarriage, the fear intensifies.
The ground is ripe for the development of perinatal mood disorders, and a mother who has struggled with infertility is at risk. This means she has a greater chance of experiencing depression or anxiety throughout gestation, as well as during the first year after the baby’s birth.
And it makes complete sense.
Parents who have already put significant time, money, and worry into conception can’t envision going through the whole fertility circus again. They can’t imagine losing what they’ve so yearned for. They are most likely struggling with some form of doubt. In short, the situation is overcharged because of everything leading up to the pregnancy.
So, What Can You Do?
How does a family in this situation minimize the risk for perinatal mood disorders and learn to enjoy pregnancy and eventual parenthood? Here are a few suggestions:
- Community: Positive friendships, infertility support groups, a favorite class or activity.
- Self-Care: Good nutrition, long walks, prenatal massage. Proactively taking care of your health can make you feel like you are helping your baby thrive.
- Meditation: Juicy prenatal yoga, positive thinking. Post-it love notes to yourself, your partner, and your baby. Visualization.
- Birth and Postpartum Support: Only allow those who make you feel good in the birthing room. Hire doulas. Prepare frozen meals. Say yes to offers of help from neighbors. Set yourself up for success.
- Avoidance: Eliminate that which adds to your imbalance. Experiment with your chemistry—caffeine, the news, grief message boards… if they don’t serve you, let them go.
- Therapy: Talk and feel it out with a trained professional. Learn how to move on. Acknowledge your fears and face them, unearth the happiness.
Resources
- Resolve: The National Infertility Association
- Resolve Online Support Groups: Infertility, Pregnancy After Infertility
- Postpartum Support International (PSI): Chat with an expert, find local resources worldwide
- Pregnancy and Postpartum Support Minnesota (PPSM): Local practitioners, telephone help line
If you or someone you know is struggling with infertility-related anxiety, pregnancy concerns, or postpartum mood disorders, support is available. Reach out to our team of trusted professionals or explore the resources, like our other articles and group counseling, to find the help you deserve.
By Jen Wittes for the Postpartum Counseling Center